On Sunday morning Billy arrived at a farm and parked his car. He took out his equipment from the boot and started to head to one of the fields he had permission to search. He had to pass several farm buildings and as he was walking along a voice he didn’t recognise said “Hello sir, nice morning.” He turned round and there was no-one there, except a large pig. “Sorry to have startled you sir,” said the pig, “but it is a nice morning.”
Billy just said “Er.” The pig went on: “Lots of people are amazed that I can speak English but it has often been advantageous. For example, a couple of weeks back a fire started in one of the barns and I was able to raise the alarm before any real damage was done. On another occasion someone attempted to burgle the farmhouse and singlehanded I saw him off by shouting at him. Then, only yesterday, I spotted a fault on a tractor and instructed the farmer on how to correct it.”
Billy was gobsmacked and just stood still whilst the pig spoke about all these incidents. Finally, the pig sad: “I see you are going to do some metal detecting so I’ll let you get on with it.” With that it trotted off.
Billy shook his head in wonder and turned a corner to resume his walk to the field he had targeted. As he did so he spotted the farmer. He went over to him and said: “Hells bells, a pig has just been telling me lots of amazing stories! It must be fantastic to have a talking pig.”
“Maybe so,” said the farmer, “but it would be better if it wasn’t such a lying sod.”